


a wasted heart that just eclipses

by swiefts



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, i don't even know what this is, sorry for the lack of coherency, this is sad in general, you can tell that there's something wrong with luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 08:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5198303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swiefts/pseuds/swiefts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They’ve always had a routine, all of them – pop stars and all. LukeandAshton accidentally fell into that maddening routine months ago. It’s engrained in their minds, it became normal. Most of all it became an unconscious act.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a wasted heart that just eclipses

If he were given a chance to be anywhere but here, he probably would not choose any of the ‘but here’ options. He would rather stay with Ashton.

He always stayed with Ashton.

The mug of tea in his hands was no longer warm, but he did not care.

Cold tea is the worst, but Luke decided he can manage with the cold. He always managed with the cold.

Whether it’s waking up to cold sheets on the other side of the bed or the cold air that slips through the holes in Ashton’s old, worn-out army jacket, Luke had managed through all of them.

The cold was at least _something_.

This vacation was supposed to be _something_.

Luke had even imagined Ashton’s little giggles as they watch the sun set at the other side of the Pacific, Ashton’s arm around his waist. He even felt how Ashton’s cold feet will nudge at his own warm ones under the duvet the moment he made reservations for this vacation.

Luke decided that sometimes his imagination is just too vivid for his own good. Of course those things won’t happen. Of course their limbs would not entangle underneath the warm sheets, because Ashton doesn’t like being tied down. Of course they would not be watching the sunset together on the balcony; they had been here three days but never once had Ashton set foot on the balcony space.

Truth be told, it was like Ashton was never even here. Not for a good couple of months.

And Luke can’t even say he missed the way they used to be. He can’t even remember _how_  they used to be.

They’ve always had a routine, all of them – pop stars and all. _LukeandAshton_  accidentally fell into that maddening routine months ago. It’s engrained in their minds, it became normal. Most of all it became an unconscious act.

It took Luke a while to remember he doesn’t even like tea.

***

The screeching sound of the wheels on the sliding doors of the balcony was the one that woke him up that night.

Racing heart ignored, he pressed the heel of his palm against his eyes, hopefully rubbing the sleep away. He hates being waken up. And there is only one person to be blamed at these times.

“Ashton?” he managed croakily.

He heard a tentative sigh, followed by the silhouette of a man moving towards the foot of the bed. “Yeah s’me. Sorry I woke you up.” Ashton’s voice was quiet, soft like a lullaby.

Luke could hear the regret laced between his words – he probably genuinely did not want to wake Luke up. Now Luke himself felt bad for actually waking up and planting such guilt into Ashton.

“S’alright,” he mumbled. “You goin’ out?”

“Nah, I’ll just be at the balcony,” Ashton sounded tired. Luke wondered what he was up to the entire day. “Go back to sleep, babe.”

Luke waited for the moment his heart do the ‘skip-a-beat’ motion, stuttering for a second, before thumping wildly against the cage of his chest. The word _babe_ used to elicit that effect on him, so he was quite hopeful it will. But it never did.

Ashton descended onto his knees on the bed, before shuffling towards Luke, motions so careful like a thief in the night. Except maybe with an intention less sinister. Luke wasn’t sure.

“I’ll be right outside if you need me, yeah?”

The other lad leaned forward before placing a kiss right at the crown of Luke’s head. The kiss was so gentle Luke felt the faint imitation of the plastic butterflies in his stomach; aggressively wild, but more automated. He hated that.

It was when Ashton started shuffling away and walking towards the balcony that Luke decided maybe Ashton’s intention might not be any less sinister than that of a thief in the night.

***

Luke told Ashton he wanted to break up with him when the older boy was hovering on top of him, ready for another meaningless fuck.

He remembered the little crease between Ashton’s eyebrows and the quirk of his lips, a cross between a hesitant smile and a frown – his entire face was the epitome of confusion.

“What are you talking about, Luke?” Ashton withdrew himself, falling back onto both of his legs before settling on the bed. Luke didn’t like the sudden distance between them, but he knew they needed it. For now.

They were both stark naked at the very moment, but that was the least pressing matter at hand.

“You heard me Ash; I want a break.” It sounded harsh. Heartless even. Maybe Luke is a heartless creature after all.What was worse was that he did not feel guilty at the very slightest. He _wanted_ this. “I want a break.”

His intentions on repeating the words would be an act of insisting, but as soon as they tumble out of his lips, the only thing that remained lodged in his heart was regret. He did not sound persistent, not with the quiver in his voice and the crack in his voice at the final word.

He doubted his decision, one syllable at a time.

Ashton was silent for quite a long moment, eyes trailed on the duvet creases. He kept inhaling, haltingly but sure.

“Okay.”

That word was supposed to be the lever to push the weight of the world from Luke’s shoulder. That word was the only thing that separated Luke from his freedom, his happiness. However that was the first time, in a very long time, that Luke felt the little stutter in his heart’s drumming pace. And for the first time, he felt _something_.

Maybe Luke was angry. Angry at the world, angry at Ashton for letting him go easily. But he liked it. He liked that anger was the first thing in an extended period of time. He craved it. He wanted it. Again and again.

Ashton scooted towards the edge of the bed, before standing up. But Luke had promised himself that night, he would never let Ashton leave like he always did.

Maybe he'd keep that promise. Because for once, he had something to hold onto.

**Author's Note:**

> i am stressed. honestly. halp me.
> 
> tumblr : onetedswift
> 
> as you can guess, this might be the prologue of a different story. ;)


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